I can't get enough of New Orleans sunsets
I know that it’s technically Fall now, but being in New Orleans where the temperature is still hovering near 90, it hasn't felt like what I typically associate with autumn. The leaves don’t really turn here either. The only indicator of a transition out of summer is how dark it is at 7pm. Everything else feels the same.
The last few days have been a little challenging for me. I’m trying to find the balance between showing the good parts of my new lifestyle and being honest about how difficult it can be. Some days I feel very peaceful and energized, able to connect to my soul’s purpose and use that to keep me going through the day. Other days, like the ones I experienced this weekend, can be deeply lonely and physically uncomfortable. Saturday I spent most of the day in my hot van exhausted and irritable, trying to take it easy because of my period. I have fibroids, which makes my menstrual cycle pretty hard. I have to be honest with myself and just let myself have a red tent day when it comes around. My self-judgement is turned up to 11 on those days too, so it’s one of my brain’s favorite activities when I’m bleeding to make myself feel bad for needing to rest. Then the next day, I woke up with excruciating pain in my upper back and neck, most likely due to the stress and anxiety I have been carrying about finances, what I’m doing with this work, and how to accomplish my goals.
So as much as I want to say that things are just great right now, it’s not that simple. As I have written before though, what keeps me going is knowing that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. A soul with a body, and not the other way around. I know I’m not alone, even when it feels like I am the most alone. And honestly, I'm not really alone. One of my best friends in the world lives here in New Orleans, and I am meeting new people regularly. As I mentioned in my previous post, this place is small, so I run into folks all the time. It's easy to be friendly here. Never mind, all of the friends I have around the country, just a text or phone call away. I know I am deeply supported and loved.
And here we are now in Libra season, where our connections to relationships, partnerships, and community are highlighted. As I single-mindedly pursue my dreams, I am full of questions. What is the value of partnership? What are we meant to learn through our relationships? How can we support each other as a community on both a human and soul level?
Along those lines, I’ve been thinking a lot about how we unconsciously play out trauma bonds through our romantic relationships, and even sometimes our friendships. It’s something we all do because so few of us are taught to examine what love is, and yet we are all taught to relentlessly pursue it. So much of our worth, especially if you identify as a woman, is tied up into whether or not we are in a long-term relationship, even if it’s a dysfunctional one. Is it not perfectly fitting that the time hilariously known in our culture as cuffing season falls during Libra? Libras get a lot of flack for being flirtatious serial monogamists and vain people-pleasers. But to me, through all of that fascination with how to connect to others, Libra is ultimately about trying to understand and become closer to the universal concept of Love. Ruled by Venus, Libra’s devotion to uplifting desire to a beautiful art form allows us the opportunity to look at what we find valuable about love - what makes our relationships work? Are we making space for both giving and receiving? What makes the loves of our lives special? What adjustments do we need to make to the way we develop attachments?
This week, I’ll be posting a meditation focusing on the Empress, the tarot card ruled by Venus, to invite us into examination of our desires and attractions so that we can become better stewards of Love both within and without. Looking forward to sharing more with you, and feel free to leave a note in the comments about how Libra season has been playing out for you thus far!
Alia Walston is a traveling writer and intuitive making connections between the challenges and ecstasies of our evolution