October 10th, 2019

I can’t say that I wake up every day feeling comfortable in my body - it takes effort most days. But every day that I dedicate myself to it, I find that the effort is worth it. there is so much value in the shift in focus. the quiet time listening to the parts of me that are afraid to walk through this world as I am. 

I think about the lies we are told as children, that we perpetuate in adulthood. That beauty is a virtue. That a person’s physical beauty tells you something about the goodness or worthiness of a person. That we all have the same definition of beauty, and thus it is more valuable to conform to those ideals than it is to embrace what is already yours. 

I think about all the ways that I have made myself small because I didn’t feel beautiful. The lies I absorbed to make sense of the world. And the substances I took to keep those lies down, to keep the truth from coming up, the truth that felt too painful and difficult to carry. Though I do not desire to go back to those days where I accepted insecurity blindly, I also have gratitude for them. Compassion for the version of me that went through it. Those days taught me so much about how to heal, about the kind of love that I was actually searching for, love that is already mine, not for anyone to give or take away from me. I was never lost, just looking. 

We are souls with a body. Our souls guide us to our lessons and our miracles. Our souls trust us in our learning, rejoice in our unfolding. You have to remember, the vibration of the physical is low and slow. We must simmer to learn our lessons. We must move to manifest. And move we do, through many lifetimes and journeys, crawling into that dark passageway, turning over rocks to see what lies underneath, smelling those roses, planting those seeds, dancing with the devil and angels alike. There is divinity in light and darkness. In aloneness and company, in ecstasy and anguish. There is a lot in this world we call Earth that is changing right now, in ways visible and invisible. The density that we have experienced up until now is becoming more and more uncomfortable. This is one of the reasons why magic and magical crafts like tarot have become so much more accepted in the mainstream. We are crying out from under the thumb of a system that has pathologized us, discounted us, stolen from us, lied to us. And we are reaching out for our souls. We are reclaiming our light. We are reclaiming our beauty as something that is ours, not to be conformed or changed or commodified. We are reclaiming our knowing, our history, and demanding that we experience the balance and peace that we know is our birthright. 

Have heart during these difficult times. If you are hurting, have compassion for yourself. If you are in judgement, put those defenses down. You don’t have to buy into your pain in order to listen to it. But you must listen to it to heal it. Treat it kindly, treat it gently, and offer it truth. You already hold this truth, deep within you, cradled lovingly by your soul. You are capable of so much - you have already gotten yourself this far. Remember you are not lost. Only looking.